May Flowers - Flowers

My last post was about April Showers, and how life has been extremely hard especially with the news of my little boy, Ian, having a rare disease. I concluded my post by writing:

We are praying that these April showers will bring our family May flowers. We sure could use some flowers in our lives right now.

For at least the month of May, I'm going to write about the flowers in my life. I want to see the good in my life, and I know by doing this it will help me see how much God loves me.

On Saturday, the day before Mother's Day, I wasn't in the best mood for many reasons. I was cleaning the kitchen when I noticed a UPS truck pull up. I didn't know what it could be since we haven't purchased anything online. Then I noticed the box the UPS delivery man was carrying. It was a 1-800 Flowers box.

I can't even begin to tell you how excited I was to open the box and see these beautiful tulips inside. And, the message enclosed made me tear up: Hope You Have Many More May Flowers!

I don't know who sent these flowers, but I just want to tell you how much I am grateful for them! Thank you for thinking about me and sending some sunshine into my life.

And then later that same day, one of my best friends stopped by to drop off a vase of flowers. I was so touched by her kind act!

Now every time I enter my kitchen, I get to look at these flowers and be reminded about how I am loved and how May flowers do come!

April Showers Bring May Flowers

April was simply a horrible month for me. I went into April feeling like I was barely hanging onto my rope, and April just knocked me off and I hit what I feel like is rock bottom. Broden has been working tons of mandatory overtime so he is rarely home which leaves me to do the housework and yard work. I love doing yard work, but when that is all I'm doing on only a few hours of sleep then I get really burned out. Why am I only getting so little sleep? One word: Ian.

Which leads me into saying why April was such a horrible month. At Ian's 9 month wellness appointment, I asked about Ian's mole like spots. I kept having a feeling that I needed to talk with the doctor about it, and so I did. And that is when I got the news that no mom wants to hear: "Your baby has a rare disease." My heart has hurt for two weeks as I have tried to process the news that Ian has Mastocytosis and the possibility that he could get leukemia or sarcoma. It all makes sense now. It makes sense why Ian has been fussy, uncomfortable, clingy, sleeps very little (gets up every 1-2 hours during the night), and has poor digestive.

What is mastocytosis? Well, let me explain. Mastocytosis is when mast cells start to accumulate in the body's tissues. There are two types: 1) Cutaneous where the mast cells accumulate in the skin, and 2) Systemic where the mast cells accumulate in various tissues of the body. Cutaneous mastocytosis is the better one to have because systemic mastocytosis has more problems and can lead into cancer. Mast cells are part of the immune system and have histamine to regulate allergic reactions.

Ian has mast cells accumulating in his skin so he has lots of "spots" or lesions. When these spots get irritated, rubbed/scratched, the skin becomes red and the spots become like hives. If too many spots get irritated, then Ian can go into anaphylactic shock because all the mast cells mimic an allergic reaction even when no allergen is present. So we now carry an epi pen with us because we don't know when he could have trouble breathing. We don't know if the mast cells are accumulating in other tissues.

Symptoms vary with this disease but here are some: fatigue, nausea, abdominal discomfort/cramping, musculoskeletal pain, flushing, tachycardia, syncope, anaphylaxis, etc. I could go on for a while about this condition, but I feel that this sums it up without getting too technical.

Ian's blood work to check his liver, blood count, and serum tryptase levels came back normal. This is a good sign since it means that it is most likely cutaneous mastocytosis. However, we will still have to do more blood work and skin biopsy once we see an immunology specialist at Primary Children's hospital. We are currently on the cancellation list because it sounds like it might not be until sometime between July and September before we can get into to see the specialist.

So April has brought many showers into my life to the point that I can barely take one day at a time. I was barely doing each day before this news so I have to be honest and say how much I am struggling. I can barely make it through each day.

 I only am writing this post to let everyone know what is going on and so I don't hear "look at those spots" or "what is wrong with his skin". It cuts my heart every time I hear those words because it is a reminder of what my son has to go through. It is a reminder that he is getting more spots each day. It is a reminder that my time with Ian might not be as long as I want it to be. And this is a reminder for everyone to think before you speak and to be considerate.

And so the only thing I have left to do is pray. I pray for Ian that he will be okay. I pray that I can accept whatever happens to him. And the only thing keeping me a float right now is knowing that families are together forever and that no matter what happens I will see Ian again. I am grateful for that knowledge.



I sure love my little boy and I will do everything in my power to give him the best life I can!

Broden and I only ask for your prayers for our little Ian. We are praying that these April showers will bring our family May flowers. We sure could use some flowers in our lives right now.

Bathtime x2

I know I haven't been writing a lot of posts recently. Well, I just have to say that this month has been one nightmarish month for a variety of reasons. I will eventually explain what is going on, but right now I don't feel like talking about it. Anyways, I needed to think of something happy.

A little while ago, I had to give Patrick a bath. Normally, he took his bath when Ian was napping or in bed. But this time, Ian was up. I thought Ian would be okay with Patrick taking a bath. I was SO wrong. He was so mad that he wasn't in the bathtub. He kept trying to climb into the bathtub so I decided that I would let him take a bath with Patrick.

I have to admit that I was worried about how Patrick would react. Patrick simply loved having Ian in the bathtub. And, Ian was SO happy. He kept splashing and kicking, and Patrick joined in the splashing fun. Ian wasn't even phased by water hitting his face. He had a smile on the entire time.

I truly think Ian was made for the water because he never freaked out once with Patrick's splashing. Maybe he will be a swimmer someday.  I'm just glad that Patrick enjoyed playing with Ian. They will be best friends...I know it!

Preschool

My little boy isn't so little anymore. Patrick just started preschool on Monday. I have been doing preschool at home with him, but I was worried about him and got him tested through the school district. It was found he has some delays, nothing major, but there are things to address now so he won't fall further behind. I decided after much thought and prayer that this is the best path to take. I feel that having some trained professionals work with Patrick with his speech will be the right push he needs.

I'm still pretty sensitive about this subject. Its a sore spot for me because I feel like I have failed my son.It is something that I have spent countless hours crying about because I feel like I should have done better and now my son is paying the price. Anyways, I'm trying to not think along those lines anymore but it is a real challenge for me.

I'm so grateful for this free preschool program. It is comforting to know that the area I live in cares about the children enough to provide a lot of services for them. Patrick goes to preschool several days a week for a couple of hours. He even has a bus that picks him up and drops him off. How cool is that?!? He sure loves the bus.

Right now he is a little hesitant to get on the bus because he wants me or Broden to go with him. It is hard seeing him get upset, but I have been told he calms right down and enjoys the ride. And, it seems he enjoys school too.

I will admit that I cried when Patrick left on his first day. It is hard sending my little boy off to preschool. This is the first time we have been apart for so long and so frequently. But, I try to make use of the time he is gone so I feel a little better about the situation.

Enough of me rambling. Here are some cute pictures! Ian enjoyed the sunny weather while we waited for the bus.

Patrick had fun throwing some rocks into some muddy water.

Last few pictures before the bus arrived.

Anyways, Patrick sure loves his backpack! It is blue with trains, trucks, and cars all over it. All of his favorite things are wrapped up in one backpack!

I can't believe how much he has grown. I'm glad that I have been able to share his baby and toddler years with him. Being a stay at home mom is hard, but it is SO worth it. All of the good moments are totally worth the stressful days. I'm so thankful that Broden works so hard for our family so I can be home with the kids.

Stay tuned because I have some way cute posts coming and posts that provide more information about me!

Favorite Things

Well, I have decided to try harder on focusing on the good in my life. I have the tendency to look at the negative, and I don't want to be like that. So this post is being written to help me see all the cute and fun things that my kiddos do. Raising children is hard, but its a lot easier with a good attitude!

Ian's favorite things 

Ian just loves my kitchen aid. He will be in the living room and as soon as he hears me use it, he will come crawling into the kitchen and right up to me. He then will proceed to cry whimper so I will pick him up so he can get a better look at the cool machine. Don't worry, I make sure he doesn't get too close.

The one thing he loves to eat and which drives me crazy is carpet! He will go to the edges of the carpet and pick at it until he gets a piece of it. Plus, he found a place on the wall where the carpet can be pulled off so he kept doing it until I completely removed it. We are in the process of deciding on how we want to update the floor and baseboards.

Ian loves tools! I have another boy who can't stay away from them. I had to get my tool set out to finish a project, and Ian comes up and takes a tool away from me. He was quite pleased with himself and let me hear it when I took it away (again, don't worry since there nothing sharp).

Patrick's favorite things 

Patrick loves being silly. The other day, he grabbed two sippy cups and put both of them in this mouth. I love how he is constantly trying to do new things (even though it can drive me crazy).

Patrick is still obsessed with trains and he plays with his trains every day. He also still likes making anything into trains. His creativity amazes me.

Oh, and I can't forgot to mention how much Patrick loves to paint! He is obsessed with painting especially painting with the color blue. It has been this way for a long time. He even painted his Halloween pumpkin blue.

Happy Birthday Patrick!

Yesterday was Patrick's 3rd birthday!! I can't believe that he is 3 years old. It seems like it was only months ago that he was a baby that I could cuddle easily in my arms.

And, now Patrick is so big. He is talking so much more!! I know I have expressed my concerns over his speech in the past, and I'm finally beginning to relax because he is jabbering so much. The last week has been so fun because Patrick is talking and talking and talking. Some of my favorite lines are:

• I play with Ian. 
• I pee bubbles. 
• I pooped my pants by the farmhouse (its a toy farmhouse and yes we are working on potty training right now.).
• Dad is home, Dad's home.
• Lets catch the bus

There are so many other things that he says. Anyways, we celebrated the bulk of his birthday on Sunday (a day earlier) because I wanted Broden to take part of the festivities. Broden works crazy hours, and I wanted him to be around for his son's birthday. Patrick had his aunts, uncles, and cousins come over to have cake and ice cream and to open presents.

Patrick is obsessed with trains so I made him a train. I made sure to put lots of blue on it since blue is his favorite color. I also made green cupcakes because his birthday is on St. Patrick's Day!

Patrick had lots of fun opening up his presents. Because his older cousin no longer plays with the firetruck pictured below, my sister-in-law brought it over for Patrick. Let's just say that he was more than thrilled.

And, Patrick got a train set!! We got the table, train tracks, and buildings from a family in our ward. They were going to DI it, and they gave it to us for free. Thank you so much for making Patrick's birthday so special. We just had to buy some trains.

Patrick sure loves his cake!

This is my cute family! We all made sure to wear green!

On Patrick's official birthday, he couldn't stop playing with his train set. He talked about it all day long and didn't want to part from it for one second. Even Ian likes the trains.

And, here are some cute pictures of my boys. Patrick doesn't like getting his picture taken now so I get pictures with funny expressions. Silly boy! I am just glad that Patrick loves Ian and Ian loves Patrick. These boys are such blessings in my life, and I'm working really hard on focusing on the positive! They are making me be a better person!

Happy Birthday Patrick! You are such a dear sweet boy.

Beautiful Sunshine

The weather has finally warmed up, and I couldn't resist taking the kiddos out on a walk. We have been cooped up in the house for a while because of illnesses and bad weather.

But, this last Saturday the weather was beautiful. Broden wasn't able to join us when we went to the park because he was working mandatory overtime. Broden works so hard to take care of our family. I'm so grateful for him.

Patrick had a blast at the park. He has been asking to go to the park for months now. He just loves this red fire truck. I normally sit there with him because he wants me too. I'm glad that he wants me to play with him.

Then, there is the big slide that he can't stop going down. He will say, "Again. Go down slide again!". You can sure see the joy in his face.

And, of course, Patrick had to swing! Who can say no to swinging??

Ian slept the entire time at the park. The only time he napped today. Ian has been a little stinker lately and refuses to sleep for me. I don't get much sleep because of him. But, I sure love him. He did have a big smile on his face at home!

I sure love my boys! I hope that Broden will be able to join in on our adventures too. Patrick sure misses Dad a lot. Anytime he hears the back door open or close, he comes running through the house yelling, "Dads home. Dads home." The door he hears is me going into the laundry room. I just love seeing and hearing how much Patrick loves Broden. Just goes to show how Broden is a wonderful Dad!