Creative Listening

My son, Patrick, is gifted mechanically. He can quickly figure out how things work, and gets very determined to find out how things work. Hence, I have to have child proof doorknobs on all my door since he can unlock our door (including the deadbolt) and screen door. I don't want him getting in the garage which is full of Daddy's tools. Patrick looks at things in a different way, and it amazes me how he views the world.

He also loves trucks and cars. He has liked them since he could play with toy cars and point to actual cars and trucks on the streets.

Anyways, the other day when he was done coloring with his crayons (he calls them "colors"), he decided to spread them all around the living room. This didn't make me especially happy because I hate messes. I asked Patrick to pick up his crayons, and I figured he would go around and pick them up and put them back in the box. Well, I was SO wrong.This is how he put away his crayons:

He would gather his crayons, place them in his dump truck, and then dump the crayons into their container using the dump truck. Creative way to follow instructions! Just goes to show that there are numerous ways to tackle problems. Patrick reminds me of a character in one of  his favorite shows. Can you guess which one?? Curious George!!

Thankfully, I only have one mobile boy right now. It will be only a matter of time before Ian gets into everything. Right now he enjoys scooting and grabbing whatever he can. The other day I held a plate of food by him accidentally because I spaced the fact that he is grabbing things. And, within seconds he had a fistful of potato salad. He sure is a cutie.

Prayers Are Answered

This wasn't the post I was planning on writing, but I feel like I need to share the experience I had today. From my previous post, you now know that I have struggled with postpartum depression. I have been feeling extremely well. I do have ups and downs, but overall my down days aren't too bad. However, today was a really bad day.

My mood slowly worsened over the day, and my thoughts grew dark and dismal. I struggled with my patience today because I have been up most of the nights with Ian which lead to me feeling like a terrible mom. And, then those thoughts lead to other ugly thoughts about myself.  Broden was worried about me especially since he had to leave for work and I wasn't feeling any better. Broden is the one that helps me out of my moods and start seeing the positive about myself.

So I was left by myself and my dark thoughts. I tried to distract myself, but nothing worked. It got really bad, and I didn't want to get worse and be depressed for days. I then turned to Heavenly Father. I was hesitant to ask for help because I felt selfish. I felt like I shouldn't be asking for help when so many others I know need His help more. I pleaded with Him to help me because I didn't know what to do and I needed help to dismiss the terrible thoughts I was having. When I ended my prayer, these words entered my mind: Turn the light on and someone will come. I never turn my porch light on night because I try to minimize the amount of electricity that I use. I debated whether or not to do it, and the words entered my mind again. I decided I would have faith, and I turned my porch light on.

A little bit later in the evening, there was a knock. I went to the door and on my doormat was a bouquet of flowers and a note. I broke into tears because my prayer was answered, and I knew that Heavenly Father was telling me that I matter. My stormy clouds blew over and it was because of those flowers.

I am so grateful for prayer and for the love I have felt from Heavenly Father tonight. I am so grateful for that someone who came and rescued me from my troubling thoughts. I know prayers are answered and that everyone's prayers matter to Heavenly Father. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and loves all His children.

Baby Blues

I expect perfection out of myself. I expect to do my best every time I do something and if I don't, then I have failed.For those who know me this is probably not news at all. This has been a trait of mine for as long as I can remember.To illustrate this point, let me describe a day in Kindergarten. In fact, it was the day before Christmas Break. My class was doing a Christmas art project and I was working hard on making my Christmas wreath made from tracings of our hands perfect. The bell rang before I finished and I was in tears crying to the substitute teacher that I needed to finish the project. I'm pretty sure that substitute teacher didn't know what to think because what 5 year old would have a break down about finishing a project that was used to pass time away right before Christmas break? Anyways,  I also think some of it developed due to my home environment. You might be wondering why this paragraph is even here, but trust me it will help you understand my story better.

When I gave birth to Patrick, I felt empowered and strong. I did a natural birth without any pain medications. The labor was fast and I proved to myself and to everyone that natural birth can be done. So when the due date of Ian was fast approaching, I figured it would be about the same. Many people assured me that since my first labor and delivery was so quick, then my next one would be even quicker.

Well, it wasn't. My water broke around 2:20 am on July 15th and Ian didn't arrive until 5:02 pm. I was expecting a really quick labor and I slowly dilated. Thankfully, I don't feel labor pains until I hit a 6/6.5 so I mostly just waited around in the hospital (not fun at all). And, then for 3 hours I worked. I get back labor pains that run down the sides of my legs along with contractions in the uterus. It is like having your lower back and legs spasm and tighten at the same.

During the labor process, I was so disappointed that my body was not going through labor fast. My nurse told me that since I was completely induced with Patrick, I was most likely experiencing my "first" labor and delivery. Not a very happy thought for me. I was able to deliver Ian without any pain medication, but I didn't feel empowered. I felt so ashamed of my efforts. I was ashamed that I moaned. I was ashamed that I whimpered "It burns" while I pushed Ian out. I was ashamed that I wasn't in control of my emotions like I was when Patrick was born.

I was happy Ian was here; I just wasn't happy on the way I got him here. Broden and my nurse assured me that I was amazing and did a fantastic job, but I wasn't convinced. Because things didn't go as planned, I was upset. I felt like I failed myself. And, then I experienced something I never did with Patrick. I got postpartum depression. It was exacerbated by the following: me feeling like a failure (when I recorded my experience in having Ian, I cried most of the time because I felt like I failed), not getting a lot of sleep, not having Broden around because his job was making him do mandatory overtime so he was working around 70 hours every week (which left me up with Ian all night and me taking care of the yard work), trying to take care of Patrick and Ian at the same time, having my health problems worsen, being stuck inside, and not being able to run or do any form of exercised.

I wanted to lay in bed and cry all day, but I had to get up to take care of my kids and help out my husband. I tried to look composed on the outside, but on the inside I was a complete wreck. I would burst out crying at the smallest mistakes I did. I truly felt that I was worthless. I felt that my kids would be better without me because who would want me as a mom. I felt ugly, fat, pathetic, stupid, and I felt that the world would be a better place without me. And, my depression tapped into my past feelings of inadequacy during my childhood/teenager years where I was a victim of verbal abuse from my father. I grew to hate myself more and more everyday. And, I got more depressed because I was sad about being depressed.

It was an extremely hard period for me and for my family. Broden did everything he could to help me and I am so thankful I have a husband who didn't give up on me. After looking at a postpartum depression survey, the light bulb went off in my head. I recognized that I was depressed. I didn't want to talk about it to anyone because I didn't want to be judged. I didn't want people to assume things about me. However, I was so wrong. I wasn't judged and the people that found out were so supportive. I was shown so much love. I am so grateful for all the love and kind acts that were shown to me during this trial.

After having a long discussion with Broden about my options, we decided on a path that would be best for me. I would make it a priority to exercise, more specifically to go running (for years, running has been my way to unwind and feel good about myself), I would avoid chocolate and as much sugar in my diet since it can mess with your moods, be grateful, and see the good in myself. And, if that didn't work, then I would take medication. I didn't want to take medication because I love breastfeeding. Please understand that I don't think that taking medications is wrong; I was afraid I would get depressed if I had to give up breastfeeding. But I knew that if my other methods didn't work, then I would need medication to help me because I couldn't keep living in my present state.

Thankfully, the sun has broken through the gray and dismal clouds and the last two months have been a welcome retreat. I was able to heal because I had help from my family, my friends, and from my Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm so grateful to have my son, Ian, and he is priceless jewel to me. I have learned so much from him and he is only 4 months old. I'm so grateful that I am a mom!

Note:  I wanted to write this post so I would get over my fear of saying that I was depressed and my fear of making mistakes. I am working on teaching myself that what matters most is that I don't give up and that I pick myself up every time I stumble and fall.

Egg, Please

Each morning when I ask my Patrick what he wants for breakfast, he asks for an egg with a big grin on his face. He then runs to the fridge and opens it up and quickly points to the eggs and says, "Egg, please". He LOVES eating sunny side up eggs with a piece of toast. He dips his toast into the egg yolk and scraps up the egg white.

This obsession with eggs started a little over a month ago. My family was sitting at the table eating breakfast. I was having sunny side up eggs with toast and he came over to investigate. He then asked if he could try what I was eating. I gladly obliged him, and now he is hooked. Maybe his love for this food item came about because he loves the Dr. Suess book Green Eggs and Ham.

Note: He didn't want a picture taken today because he wanted to start eating!

My other boy, Ian, just enjoys breastmilk which I am so happy about. He won't be getting solid for at least three more months. I like to introduce solid food well after 6 months to avoid the chance of developing food allergies and to allow his digestive system to develop.

Anyway, something he really loves is tummy time. He just loves it and gets so happy when I place him on his stomach. I think he likes it so much because he can see what is going on better. Plus, I have a sneaky suspicion that he wants to get moving so he can follow his big brother around.

What do you enjoy eating? And, what do your kids like to eat?

How Gratitude Can Change Your Life

Instead of being at church, I'm at  home with my sick boys, I can't help but think about this Thanksgiving season and the importance of gratitude. I have to be honest and inform my readers that gratitude is something that does not come easy for me. Too often in my life, I dwell on the negative and what I want instead of what is positive and what I have been blessed with.

Former General Relief Society President, Bonnie D. Parkin, stated,

 "Gratitude requires awareness and effort, not only to feel it but to express it. Frequently we are oblivious to the Lord’s hand. We murmur, complain, resist, criticize; so often we are not grateful." (gratitude - a path to happiness). 

When I reflect my life, I realize how much I have complained and murmured. It is truly saddening how often I don't recognize the Lord's hand in my life. I have noticed that when I'm not grateful and when I'm full of anger and frustration, my mind is clouded with all that has gone wrong. Once I take a step back and start identifying the blessings I have, I immediately recognize how much the Lord has blessed me.

It is easy for me to get caught up in all the things I don't have. And, saddly, I sometimes feel that it is these material things that will make me happy. President Thomas S. Monson said:

"Do material possessions make us happy and grateful? Perhaps momentarily. However, those things which provide deep and lasting happiness and gratitude are the things which money cannot buy: our families, the gospel, good friends, our health, our abilities, the love we receive from those around us. Unfortunately, these are some of the things we allow ourselves to take for granted" (divine gift of gratitude).

I don't like being negative and ungrateful so it is something I have been steadily improving upon every day. I have noticed that when I start to look at all I have been blessed with, my attitude changes and I am a much happier person.

Why should we have gratitude?

 President James E. Faust said,

"It seems as though there is a tug-of-war between opposing character traits that leaves no voids in our souls. As gratitude is absent or disappears, rebellion often enters and fills the vacuum. I do not speak of rebellion against civil oppression. I refer to rebellion against moral cleanliness, beauty, decency, honesty, reverence, and respect for parental authority. A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being.(gratitude as a saving priniciple)

Gratitude establishes the ground work for good qualities. Gratitude helps us to stop thinking about ourselves and start thinking of others and what others have done for us. Doctrine and Coventants section 78 verse 19 states, "He who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious".

In times of happiness, gratitude is easily found. We can readily see what we have because it is easy to see the beauty in life. However, when tribulation arises, it is much harder to see the good and the beauty of life. What do we do in those situations? What is our first response?

Bonnie D. Parkin continued in her address by saying,

The kind of gratitude that receives even tribulations with thanksgiving requires a broken heart and a contrite spirit, humility to accept that which we cannot change, willingness to turn everything over to the Lord—even when we do not understand, thankfulness for hidden opportunities yet to be revealed. Then comes a sense of peace.

When was the last time you thanked the Lord for a trial or tribulation? Adversity compels us to go to our knees; does gratitude for adversity do that as well?

This concept of being grateful for tribulations is one where I am working on. It is too easy for me to complain and ask why me. With the help of God and my husband, I am starting to identify what is right in my life instead of what is wrong.

President Thomas S. Monston stated,

 "My brothers and sisters, to express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven." (divine gift of gratitude).

 I want to touch heaven and I want a part of heaven in my life now.

Here is a list of some of things I am grateful for:

• My health problems for they allowed me to see what it is truly important in life and to slow down in my busy life so I could meet my husband
• My husband who constantly supports me during all my good and bad moods
• My two sons who show me how life is beautiful and to enjoy the present
• My Savior, Jesus Christ,who made it possible to return back to Heavenly Father by atoning for my sins.
• Working vehicles to make transportation to and from destinations easy
• Being a stay at home mom
• Family
• A home to raise my family in
• A yard to plant a garden and play with my family
• The gospel that brings me peace and happiness

 I encourage everyone (including me) to establish goals to become more grateful in life. Maybe try to do a gratitude journal, a gratitude board, etc. I know that when we practice the principle of gratitude, then we find true happiness. I know that being grateful allows us to see how God has blessed our lives. I know that gratitude erases the feelings of sadness, anger, and hurt.

So what are you grateful for?

Why I started cloth diapering

I never thought I would ever do cloth diapering. I didn't know much about it, but I though it would be gross and time consuming. With my first baby, I had so many dispsobles given to me that the cost of buying diapers was not high. Plus, I got some really good rebates and sales so I was able to stockpile up on diapers.

However, when I got pregnant with Ian, I knew that I would end up spending a lot on disposables. And, by this point, I started to hate the idea of all the junk that I send to the landfill. I like to conserve as much as possible and sending diaper after diaper into the garbage felt wrong to me.

I had a few friends that did cloth diapering and I was curious so I asked questions which led me into researching all about cloth diapers. The more I researched about cloth diapers, the more I grew to love the idea of using them. I'm happy to say that I have been cloth diapering for 3.5 months now and will continue to use them with all my kiddos.

Here are my reasons of why I cloth diapers:

1) Save Money - From the time your baby is born up to when your child is potty trained, you will spend approximately $2,500 on disposable diapers (consumer reports) Ouch! If you do cloth, then you will spend approximately $500 to $1,000 and you can reuse the cloth with each child. NOTE: you can save even more money on cloth by buying on sale, making your own, and being creative with what you have. So some people I know only spent a couple hundred on cloth.

2) Protect The Environment - Disposable diapers are the third most common consumer product in the landfills, takes up to an estimate of 500 years to decompose, and 1 baby in disposables will contribute to 1 ton of waste in the landfill (real diaper association). This just makes me sick because that is so much waste. Also, most people throw out the poop with the disposable diapers which is not good for the environment. Diaper packages tell you to throw the solid waste in the toilet before throwing the diaper out in the trash.

3) No Harsh Chemicals - My second munchkin had a really hard time being in disposable diapers due to his sensitive skin. Within a few days of being in them, he got a massive chemical burn on his bum (this most likely occurred because his urine reacted with the chemicals in the diaper). Thankfully, I was in the process of switching to cloth and I got him into cloth quickly. Once in cloth, his bum healed up. Also, during the process of making disposable diapers dioxin, a by product, is produced. Dioxin is linked to cancer, skin diseases, birth defects, and much more. There may be a chance that dioxin is in the diapers which is really scary.

4) They Are SO Cute - Cloth diapers come in a variety of colors and prints so your kiddos will have adorable fluffy bums. I have to admit that diaper changes are a little better now because I get to see my kids in adorable colors and prints. Here is the proof:

Anyways, here are my reasons for making the switch to cloth diapers and I don't regret it one bit. Stay tuned for more posts about cloth diapers (hopefully, you will want to make the switch!).

Enjoying the Silliness

While I was rushing around the house trying to get various tasks done, I noticed that my oldest son got into the stickers. He was so proud of himself and had such a huge smile. And, then I noticed something underneath his shirt. Not just one sticker, but 11 stickers! My silly boy thought it would be a good idea to put stickers on his skin and he didn't want them removed at all.

 It was nice to take a moment out of the day and enjoy the silliness of life. Sometimes, it is so easy to get so focused on all that we have to do that we forget what we really should be doing: enjoying life. To me, it was a reminder that I need to cherish these moments I have with my children because they are growing up so fast and I don't want to miss out.

My other boy doesn't understand what his big brother does, but he sure loves to watch him like a hawk. It will only be a matter of time before I have two mischievous boys running around. Hopefully, I can take a step back and enjoy the moment.

Welcome!

Hello Everyone!

This is Christina and here is my blog. I'm going to do this to update family and friends about my adventures with Broden and our kiddos. I'm going to post fun things about things I do such as running, gardening, cloth diapering, my adventures in going green, my thoughts about life, and, of course, the interesting things I do with my family.

I hope you will enjoy my blog and I hope to hear from you too!