Weaknesses Can Become Strengths

As a mother, I have anticipatde all the major milestones my children reach. It is thrilling to watch them grow and develop. I love seeing how they progress. My oldest boy, Patrick, has astonished me with his problem solving skills and mechanical abilities. Before he was 2 years old, he knew which keys went to which cars and he could unlock the door and turn the car on. He quickly learns how things work and how to take apart and put things back together.

Patrick is a burning ball of energy and is driven by his curiuosity to know and his desire to be independent. He is one stubborn boy. His stubbornness almost exceeds mine and that is saying a lot! I guess this is what you get when two stubborn people have a child together. He tries so hard to do everything on his one. I have encouraged him to be curious by not allowing him to watch TV/movies until he was well over 2 years old, and allowed him to solve things on his own without swooping in to show him how it is done.

However, my son struggles with speech. He has for some time now. I have worried about him for well over a year now because despite all my efforts (for example, reading to him for over 20 minutes a day, talking to him, explaining what I do,and doing various preschool activities) he still doesn't speak a lot. Part of his problem is a lack of desire to speak. This reason why I say this because he speaks when he wants to, and I will often catch him speaking and he will stop when he notices me listening. The other part of his problem is that I think speech and social skills don't come easy to him. I notice that he likes to say words he knows, but shuts down when he encounters words he doesn't know. It is almost like he doesn't want to fail. This behavior is something I am to familiar with because I hate failing myself. And, I hate having people see my failures.

For Patrick, his weakness is there for everyone to see and comment on. It is something that people notice right away and point out. It is a sore spot with me because I feel like I have failed my son. Plus, I feel some people feel I'm not a good mom because my son would rather play and explore instead of speak.

A couple of nights away while I was reading a few scripture stories before bed, I had an amazing experience with Patrick. One that I am extremely grateful that I got to experience. We were reading  about Joseph from the Bible Storybook - God's Love For You. The short story we read about how Joseph's unfortunate circumstances of being sold into slavery by his brothers was turned into something good by God. Joseph was able to interpret dreams of the pharaoh, and he eventually becomes ruler over Egypt. He saves grain so the people are ready to face the drought. Because he ordered food to be stored up, he was able to save his family from starvation. There is this quote in the story that just rang true to me:

"God cared about Joseph and his family, and He cares about us too. Just as God brought good out of the bad things the brothers had done, He will bring good out of the bad things that happen in your life."

After reading this part, the spirit came and spoke strongly to my heart. I took Patrick and told him that even though you struggle speaking and this is your weakness, God will make this weakness strong and he will make something good out of this situation. It was a huge comfort to me because I have been worried sick about my son and I have been praying so much about what to do about him. And these last few days have been completely different. Patrick has been speaking SO much more. Even though I can't understand everything he says and even though it is not a lot compared to other kids his age, it is more than he has done before. To me, this is a miracle and a blessing. I know Patrick felt something that night and felt his Heavenly Father's love. I know God does hear my prayers, and I know that He can make good things out of the bad things that happen in life.

Trains

My son, Patrick, just loves trains. I'm not too sure where he developed this fascination with trains from because we didn't have trains at home or have movies about trains. But, he is now obsessed with them to the point that he tries to make everything into trains. He will make trains by pushing chairs into each other, by connecting cars together using string, and the other day he wanted to make trains from cookie cutters using tape. He came up to me with the cookie cutters that are in the shape of various vehicles and asked me to tape them together. Of course, he brought the masking tape as well.

He is such a creative boy and a boy who has impressive problem solving skills! I have been worried about him a lot lately because he doesn't like to speak. I read to him for over 30 minutes a day, explain what I am doing, and try to teach new words. He knows the words because I catch him saying them, but he just doesn't like to speak. We are probably going to get him tested and start doing speech therapy. I feel like I have failed him because I'm his mom and haven't done my job. I have struggled with these feelings for almost a year now as I see so many children his age speaking in sentences, and then I see my son who barely speaks a few words at a time. Anyways, I have digressed and that issue is a post for another time.

The other day we were going shopping, and we got stopped by the railroad crossing signs. A train had to cross the road, and Patrick was so thrilled. If Patrick wasn't with me, I know I would be annoyed because the train delayed me. However, I'm grateful that Patrick was with me because I got to take a moment to sit back and enjoy the train through my child's eyes. Life has so many adventures and beauties in it! I just need to take a step back from my list of tasks to do and appreciate the little things. Patrick ended up talking about the train all day long, and I'm grateful we got to see the train.

What things do your children like? How do you appreciate the little things the life gives to you?

FHE Lessons

I have wondered the last few months if Family Home Evening (FHE) is even making a difference with Patrick. He is just so full of energy that sometimes I don't know if he even is learning something. Yesterday, I mentioned to him that we would be doing Family Home Evening and he quickly, "Jesus. Pictures. I go get them." I was so touched, and was so thrilled when he came by to the living room with the gospel art manual that I got from the Distribution Center (now a part of Deseret Book).

I attempt to do FHE with my kiddos every Monday night. It is really hard because Broden works evenings, and I struggle to keep both kids entertained while I try to teach them something about the gospel. I found that Patrick loves the pictures and I can talk to him about the stories behind the pictures for about 10 minutes. That is amazing considering my boy doesn't like to stop moving.

After the I got the kiddos to bed, I started to think about how I could make my FHE nights a little bit easier. Because I have started doing preschool lessons with Patrick, I decided why not do the same thing with FHE. So now I will plan FHE lesson by picking out monthly themes and planning the lessons according to that theme. I'm going to create a template where I can pick a theme, song, and scripture, and jot down quick little lessons for my family. I will start this up for February and I will post my lessons here on the blog. I'm mainly doing this so I will motivate myself to write the lessons, but I also hope that this will provide some help for others who are also in the same situation as me and struggle finding ways to teach your kiddos about gospel principles.

Be sure to come back and read about my FHE lesson planning experience and how my lessons went!

Its Official...I'm....

I bet there were many reasons why you clicked the link to see what this post was about. Hahaha. And, sorry folks, I'm not pregnant.

I just launched a blog with my good friend, Hannah Horne. We are joining the world of mommy bloggers. We wanted to do this as a way to share what we love to do and for a way to help our little families out. We are hoping that our blog will be successful! So come join our blog, Howling Horn, and see what we are doing each day and get some inspiration from us.You can also see what we are up to by visiting our Facebook page:

And, don't worry about this blog becoming obsolete. I will still be posting on my blog about my family and things we have been up to. This blog is my personal blog where I will post more intimate things about my family and about myself.

My Boys

I am completely surrounded by boys! But, I sure wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. They are just so cute and here is the proof:

I can't believe that Ian is almost 6 months old. Time has gone by so fast. He used to be so small, and now he is so interactive and expressive. He loves his bouncer. He will even bounce himself to sleep. This makes nap times really easy sometimes. I had to include a picture of Ian's wide eyes because it is just so hilarious. My one sister has nicknamed him "wide eyes" because he does this so often. Right now Ian is trying so hard to crawl because he wants to keep up with his big brother, Patrick.

Patrick is still a very curious and determined young toddler. He insists on understanding how everything works and wants to do things his way. He tests my patience on a regular basis and I' working hard on staying calm with him and not getting upset over trivial things that don't matter. On New Year's Eve, Patrick rediscovered his Halloween costume that he wore and he insisted on wearing it all day long. He even took his nap in it. He had fun playing in it all day.

Patrick will be 3 in March, and I want to cry about that fact. I am happy he is growing up and is healthy, but I miss those baby stages with him. I guess I have to be extremely grateful that Broden works so hard to provide for our family that I can be a stay at home mother. I'm thankful for the chance to see my kids grow up and get to share so many experiences with them. I only hope they cherish these times too. I worry that I'm not doing a good job as a mother. I'm trying so hard to do a better job at raising them and caring for them.

I'm so grateful that I have these boys in my life! There are days that are hard, but there are so many days that are so wonderful. I'm working hard on teaching myself to focus on the good and not the bad.  When I do this, then I start to see that there are many beautiful things that happen on the terrible days.

The Goal

When the New Year arrives, a lot of people are talking about their goals they plan on doing for the upcoming year. And, I am one of those people. I love making goals and completing them. There is something very satisfying in accomplishing a goal.

As I thought about goals I wanted to do, I came up with several that I really wanted to do. And, then my mind thought of a goal that I didn't even want to think about. Of course, that goal kept resurfacing so frequently that I decided that it is time to face my fear and do it.

Here is my goal: I will no longer demean and degrade myself.

This is my nasty secret. I am my worst critic and I say things to myself that I would never dream of saying to others because it is wrong. So why do I think it is okay to say hurtful things about myself? I honestly have to say that deep done that I know it is wrong, but I have such a habit of doing it and seeing so many others do it that I just take this awful habit as acceptable.

Well, today I am putting my foot down. I know as I go through the course of this year, I will struggle and I will fall. But, I will remind myself why I am doing this. I am doing this so I can truly love myself. I am doing this so my husband no longer has to hear me such cruel things that break his heart. I am doing this so my children do not learn it is acceptable to degrade oneself. I am doing this so I can start to see myself that way my friends, family, and my Heavenly Father sees me.

I was scared of doing this goal because I know it is going to take many failures before I have successes. However, I know as each small victory I gain will mean that I will soon be winning the war of my self worth. I think it is awful how society has trained us to constantly see how we aren't good enough. Well, I am no longer going to listen to those voices. I want to see the real me and not the twisted image in my mind.

Here are some videos that came to my mind while I made this goal my top goal for 2014:

I have to say how much courage this took for me to write this post. It is a little nerve racking, but I wanted to do it so I will totally committed to saying no to my demeaning speech.

Here is to a new year, a new year where I will stop bullying myself and start loving myself.